SHOWBIZ

Well here we are and here we go

Up the hill and down the slope

Pardon me if I seem out of breath

Bus was late so I walked here instead

There's nobody quite like me

Isn't that presumably

What it is they say you're looking for

Ballad singer male with a guitar

Okay so guitar was the part I got wrong

The rest of me surely is surely what you want

Wait a minute who is this

He needs a psychiatrist

Either that or I do give me strength

(Would do If I knew the way it went)

You say you sing slow songs and fast numbers too

Do you know Volare

(Is that her next to you)

I'm running round in circles

I'm getting so forlorn

Whatever so forlorn's supposed to mean

I'm sick of good intentions

Whatever their intent on being

Who's responsibility lies in sending him to me

Tell me and I'll tear them limb from limb

I said Matt Monroe not Gunga Din

Our members will see him and eat him alive

No two ways about it

Or three or four or five

One day you'll see I'll be enormous

(Then here's a tip lay off your food)

They'll say of me and my performance

It's was superb (don't make me laugh)

The best we've heard (you must he daft)

False modesty is not for me

The way to skin a rabbit the way to comb a hare

I know which one of those I'd rather heed

As I'm sure would the rabbit

Who only wants to live and breed

I write each and all my songs

Always have done all along

So if you want "My Way" I can do

Every song in my way just for you

Has it occurred to you that I might not be well

I've got a heart that needs a bypass I can tell

So here we are together then

You and me the best of friends

(Best of friends you must be off your head)

How about employer then instead

We have to work closely and mostly we do

We're opposite ends of

An industry without any smoke

It's boiler being only fired by hope

It is showbiz

_{_________________________________________}

DEAR DREAM

Dear dream of mine

Am I wasting time

Thinking that you

Will be my dream come true

Dear dream I guess

If the answer is yes

What must I do

If I'm to get to you

It's not as though I haven't tried very hard

Even had myself barred

From taking a rest

But like a lot of things in life

When your down

Nothing comes round

That isn't a mess

Dear dream I pray

That you will come my way

Give me a clue

Of how to get to

Of how to get to

Of how to get to you

You've no idea what it's like to be told

Get out of those clothes

You look too bizarre

The list of don't call us

And we won't call you

Has in my view

Become too large

Dear dream of mine

Am I wasting my time

Thinking that you

Will be my dream come

Will be my dream come

Will be my dream come true

And he can't wait another day 

Sometimes he thinks he'll go insane

How can he be so close and yet so very far

Is there something that he should know

Some place maybe he can go to

In search of you

Dear dream of mine

Am I wasting my time

Thinking that you

Will be my dream come

Will be my dream come

Will be my dream come true

_{_________________________________________}

NOTHING TO FEAR

Love your music and love the songs

Only query, don't get me wrong

Is this really the way you appear

Then again if you feel it's right

Go ahead if it's what you like

You got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

See that building with all it's floors

See those people go out it's doors

They don't know it but they're why you're here

Make a record that they all hum

Make it appealing to every mum

And you got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

So you've had a bad experience

And you don't know who to trust

Well if you want me to represent you

Then in me you must

I'm not promising you the earth

I'll bow out if it doesn't work

You got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

You got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

Have to say when I heard your voice

Wasn't sure if it was my choice

Then I listened again and  could hear

Don't ask why but I'm certain you

Will make it big and the day you do

You got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

But supposing in the studio

I'm unhappy with a take

Will you let me do it again

(Of course I will okay)

Don't be worried about your songs

I'll 1ook after them every one

You got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

You got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

You got (you got) you got (you got) nothing to fear

_{_________________________________________}

PRETTY POLLY

Pretty Polly what have you done to your hair

Keeping it in rollers won't get it nowhere

Neither will it turn you into what

Your mother prescribed when your father forgot

Don't you think the boys could be looking at you

After all you've got what it takes for them too

Plus a little extra which I feel sure

Will knock every knocker of Diana's door

It isn't funny I know

But what's the point me hanging around

When all I get from seeing you

Is browned off, browned off, brown

Pretty Polly don't be so anxious to smile

We don't want the male population run wild

All we ask is will one sweet young man

Be anxious enough to take you off my hands

It isn't funny I know

But what's the point me hanging around

When all I get from seeing you

Is browned off, browned off, brown

Pretty Polly don't be so anxious to smile

We don't want the male population run wild

All we ask is will one sweet young man

Be anxious enough to take you off my hands

_{_________________________________________}

CAN'T FIND MY WAY HOME

Nothing you can do or say

Alters the fact

Even with experience

Which I don't lack

I'm like a little lamb

That  can't find my way home

Read about it, talked about it

Even asked

Wanted it to happen

And now it has

I'm like a little lamb

That can't find my way home

Samson and Delilah even beauty and the beast

Have about as much in common

As chalk has to cheese

Yet it didn't seem to matter

All that they were really after

Is this thing I am in

Why in spite of warning voices

Which I heed

Why instead a suit of armour

I don't need

I'm like a little lamb

That can't find my way home

I don't understand it

It's impossible to say

I've been out with girls before

But never felt this way

Where do I go for advice

A lamb with wool over his eyes

Sitting here

Full of fear

They say that all in love is fair

I don't agree

Here am I in love and look what

It's done to me

I'm like a little lamb

That can't find my way

Just like a little lamb

That can't find my way

I'm like a little lamb

That can't find my way home

_{_________________________________________}

DISHONOURABLE PROFESSION

This is a dishonorable profession

Brought about by people who think right

First we'll take a kid

And when he's earned a bit

We'll fleece him

Push him on the stage

Then push him to one side

This is a dishonorable profession

Even thieves would treat their own more kind

And the man who gets his ten per cent

Will go on to become a President

While you will just barely survive

Such is a dishonorable profession

Where success however great is despised

And while you say that you are

In it only for the music

Managers and agents view this with delight

Such is a dishonorable profession

Once you've passed the age of thirty five

Your career is as good as up

Though your songs might still be good enough

The business is saying bye bye, (bye bye)

(Sign on the dotted line)

(And soon you'll be in the big time)

(Making a fortune for let's see)

(The Management and the record company)

Such is a dishonorable profession 

Once you've passed the age of thirty five 

Your career is as good as up 

Though your songs might still be good enough 

The business is waving bye bye, (bye bye)

This is a dishonorable profession

_{_________________________________________}

YOU DON'T OWN ME / IF I KNOW YOU

You may have given me the breaks

Amended all my life's mistakes

Ooh but wait a minute

You don't own me

You may be more than just a friend

On whose assistance I depend

Ooh but wait a minute

You don't own me

What makes you think you have the right

To say that l owe you my life

A life you say is your life only

Nothing to do with me

Well don't forget for all your power

Even in my darkest hour

You don't own me

You may be fully in control

Of every dream I'll ever hold

Ooh but wait a minute

You don't own me

In times of trouble and despair

Although I'm glad that you were there

Ooh but wait a minute

You don't own me

I know it sounds so very cruel

To have to say I don't want you

After all the love you've shown me

Let's not start a feud

I'm not your slave don't you forget it

And even if I live to regret it

You don't own me

Why must you always be so right

Why can't you never be wrong

It's not a crime to say you're sorry

And it don't take long

No it don't take long

(If it only takes a minute)

(To say something that's nice)

(If it only takes a minute)

(Then why not twice)

I should have known from the start this would happen

From the moment we went anywhere

If other people so much as looked at me

You'd be screaming blue murder I swear

And yet you say that my leaving doesn't hurt you in the least

But even if that's true

You'll do all in your power to destroy me

If I know you

You say how much you respect what I'm doing

You say how high you regard my ideas

And yet for years as you stood in the background

You never once let me up off my knees

Now despite you declaring

You understand the way I feel

Now that we are through

You'll do all in your power to destroy me

If I know you

(How dare you make me out to be some sort of a dictator)

(After all I've done for you)

(I end up out of favour)

(I deserve far more than to be treated)

(How you see fit)

(You little shit)

And despite you declaring

You understand the way I feel

Now that we are through

You'll do all in your power to destroy me

All in your power to destroy me

All in your power to destroy me

If I know you

_{_________________________________________}

NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW

Once I was hailed as a prodigal son

In other words loved by everyone

Now it's so different wherever I go

Nobody wants to know

Tried having meetings running about

Same as I did when I started out

Now though it's different wherever I go

Nobody wants to know

Could have been normal

And look like the rest

But I in my wisdom

Decided instead

To create an image and this at a time

When image was one word nobody minded you

Being abusive too

Standing in doorways for hours on end

Waiting to get back a tape I send

And when I get it what does it show

Nobody wants to know

Sign on the door say's you'd better come in

So I enter and play them my songs

They tell me (all the ones that you had hits with in the early days were great)

(And, while the new ones really sound bang up to date)

(There's not a market for a singer of your age)

(Unless of course he's dead)

(dead That's it you got a deal)

(Look at Buddy Holly, Roy Orbison and Elvis) 

(Why he sold more records after his death)

(Than he ever did when he was alive)

(You'll be a sensation number one all over again)

(I can see it now his twenty gravest hits)

Sooner or later I will succeed

Good luck and timing is all I need

But for the moment where can I go

Nobody wants to know

Licking my wounds from not only my face

Is getting to be so be so common place

That even the angel my guardian one

Supposedly there to protect me anonymously

Is as nervous as can be

I have no reason at all to suspect

Hatred of me adds to my neglect

Not that it matters cancel the show

Nobody wants to know

_{_________________________________________}

YOUNG AT HEART (WE'LL ALWAYS REMAIN)

Young at heart we may be only

Young at heart but we're not lonely

If anything we're never in but we're out

Young at heart if we are only

Young at heart then let us slowly

Unwind our day only way we know how

Young at heart

You can so easily become a part

Of any new fangled dancing craze

Like the way that you did

When we were kids

Young at heart we may be only

Young at heart but even so

We're the first to admit we're at that stage

Even though we might act our age

Young at heart we'll always remain

(Young at heart)

(It's so important to play your part)

Don't let them tell you you're much too old

Wearing clothes in a way that's up to date

Young at heart if we are only

Young at heart you never know

We could still surprise, tantalize

Even with bags under our eyes

Young at heart we'll always

(Young at heart we'll always)

Young at heart

We'll always remain

_{_________________________________________}

I'VE NEVER BEEN SHORT OF A SMILE

As you know when the girl of your dreams

Doesn't seem to exist

If you want my opinion then here's what it is

Don't tell your wife she'll kill ya

And who knows maybe one day you'll wake up

And walk to the door

Where's she's waiting impatient this daughter of yours

Saying give me away dad will ya

Try proving suicide is painless

And who are those that claim this

The only way to die and to live again

As I recall is entertain an empty hall

Doesn't bother me in the slightest if a mirror's cracked

It could be that a missing screw is all it lacked

I'll walk under ladders but the funny thing is each time

I do I go flying

I've had moments when depression seemed the only cure

Days when doubts were all about but now I'm sure

Despite losing battles that I know if I could win

I've never been short of a smile

As you know you can stand to attention while wiggling your toes

It's a breach of the rules but in boots I suppose

You could be forgiven

As you go into work on a Sunday

You hazard a guess wasn't Sunday the one day

We all used to rest

(Not anymore it isn't)

You cannot have your cake and eat it

But given a piece why keep it

What purpose is being served

If you leave it lying on a tray

Only to be thrown away

If invited to a party as a rule of thumb

If there's not a kitchen in it I won't come

I known that it's boring but at least you don't have to speak

You just turn up the heat

If there's one good thing about me then it ought to be

Even when I'm up against adversity

Despite my misgivings on the shape that I'm in

I've never been short of a smile

I've never been (never been)

I've never been short of a smile

(It's so easy to forget)

 (Every time you draw your breath)

(Should be hung up on the wall)

(A reminder to us all)

That however much we moan

All our lives we've only one to live

To be or not to be what is it

About this phrase that gives it

A meaning so profound

That if Shakespeare were alive today

I bet he'd throw it away

Doesn't bother me the slightest if a cat is black

It could be that a pot of paint had turned him that

I'll walk under ladders but the funny thing every time

I do I go flying

I've had moments when depression seemed the only cure

Days when I was burning up but now I'm sure

Despite my resentment of the pain I was in

I've never been short of a smile

I've never been short of a smile

I've never been (never been)

I've never been short of a smile

_{_________________________________________}

SHOWBIZ - REPRISE

The way to skin a rabbit, the way to comb a hare

I know which one of those I'd rather heed

As I'm sure would the rabbit

Who only wants to live and breed

I write each and all my songs

Always have done all along

So if you want "My Way" I can do

Every song in my way just for you

(Has it occurred to you that I might not be well)

(I've got a heart that needs a bypass I can tell)

So here we are together then

You and me the best of friends

Or should I say colleagues from tonight?

(Not unless a pig has taken flight)

We have to work closely and mostly we do

We're opposite ends of

And industry without any smoke

It's boiler being only fired by hope

It is showbiz

_{_________________________________________}

IF YOU COMMENCE BEFORE THE START

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

If you take off your shoes and socks

Throw them up in the air

What do you think

Your mother would think

Will she go spare

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

If you go out without a tie

Nothing under your dress

What do you think

The neighbours would think

In their Sunday best

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

If you come out the bathroom door

Not having washed your hands

What do you think

Your father would think

Will it change his plans

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

If you commence before the start

Where do you begin

_{_________________________________________}

All lyrics and music by Gilbert O'Sullivan