A PROPER FOOL

I couldn't get nobody to stand de-liver

I couldn't get nobody to sit the pain

But when I hit the door as I sometimes rule

Honey you really should have seen me yeah

I looked a proper fool

I wouldn't let her over the legal limit

I wouldn't let her over the counter claim

Yet when she kicked the legs from under my stool

Honey you really should have seen me yeah

I looked a proper fool

Everyone's a winner now

No-one is denied

Try telling that to let see

Civilians who have died

Soldiers too are victims mind

They bear the blunt of hate

But inside tanks

You get no thanks

I couldn't let on that I was old and able

Couldn't let on that I was more than game

Yet when I waded in thinking there's a pool

Honey you really ought to have seen me yeah

I looked a proper fool

Honey you really should have seen me yeah

I looked a proper fool

Fool or not I can't except

Justice isn't blind

Kill somebody with your car

End up being fined

Kill somebody in it though

And you'll get put away

Not for all time

That would be a crime

I couldn't get nobody to grow impatient

Couldn't get nobody to pour in rain

So when I hit the road even though it's cruel

Honey you really should have seen me yeah

Honey you're never gonna believe me yeah

Honey you promise not to repeat it yeah

[Honey we promise not to repeat it yeah]

I looked a proper fool

I looked a proper fool

CAN'T SAY FAIRER THAN THAT

You barely know me

And already you're installed

You left your number

Somewhere on my back it's scrawled

Look I've enjoyed the few days

The fun we had

The memories may well linger

I can't say fairer than that

Don't tell me how it is

That I should not behave

Don't tell me secrets that

You're taking to your grave

I have to hand it to you

Put into bat

You'd made a good half century

I can't say fairer than that

Tell me something I don't know

That I don't know I should

Tell me somewhere I can go

That I don't know I could

She had the bluest eyes

That I have ever seen

Although being colour blind

It could be they were green

Women are always saying

Do I look fat

Could be you don't look thinner

I can't say fairer than that

You could argue we don't know

How different we are made

You insist that it's a shovel

I say it's a spade

You'd never know it but

I'm very good at draughts

I'll leave the front doors open

As well as the backs

Who wants to be in your shoes

Who wants to be in mine

Let's start by saying in your shoes

I'd barely walk the line

Of all the dirty low down

Tricks you could have played

I love the one where you

Pretend to be depraved

You have the kind of features

From where I'm sat

You'd make a fish look happy

I can't say fairer than that

Marks out of ten let's face it

Caught in the act

You'd rate at least a seven

I can't say fairer than that

DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU

I know it's alright for me

In my easy chair

I don't have to go to school

Be bullied while I'm there

Bullying's a part of life and always will be too

Don't let it get to you

Don't let it get to you

Even if what follows

Is a desperate cry for help

Why would someone so young

Feel the need to hang themself

Life is far too precious to be over with so new

Don't let it get to you

Don't let it get to you

Setting a good example now

Is order of the day

Gangs go around in streets and towns

Cleaning up on the way

Why I'll never understand

Are girls more prone to this

They unlike the boys

Are now more active with their fists

Could be that tomorrow they'll move on to someone new

Don't let it get to you

Don't let it get to you

Notice how we love our neighbours

Long as they remain

Happy with a pretty flower bed

Once they plant a row of trees

That grow above the roof

That's when hatred rears it's ugly head

Don't let it get to you

Don't let it get to you

Anyone who witnesses a mob that's in control

Must have seen a pig go flying by

What I'll never understand is meet one on their own

They appear so gentle and so shy

I could take the law

Into my own hand don't you think

Find the gang give them a taste

Of their own medicine

But for now till we decide what action to pursue

Don't let it get to you

Don't let it get to you

Don't let it get to you

FORCE OF HABIT

Force of habit has me on the phone

Force of habit calling you at home

Force of habit and if I drop by

Force of habit is the reason why

Force of habit makes my black eyes blue

Force of habit bumping into you

Force of habit like a tobacco make

It's a habit that is hard to break

And I don't want you to ever think

What I'm doing is a result of being

In denial over losing you

What gave you that idea

Force of habit has me in a spin

Force of habit thinking you'll come in

Force of habit pouring drinks for two

It's a habit I picked up from you

Force of habit when you walk on by

Force of habit sees me by your side

Force of habit like the night we met

It's a habit that I can't forget

And I don't want you to ever be cross

If I'm doing this then it's because

Like with most things you have had for years

Hard to believe they are gone

Force of habit sorry for what is

Force of habit nothing more than this

Force of habit what else can I do

Only habit that I have is new

Only habit I have had it's true

And the habit that's a habit's you

I KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO

Throughout my whole life

When nothing goes right

I turn to those who care

If you're in trouble burst of a bubble

It's good to know they're there

My heart goes out to

A child molested

And then subjected

To more abuse

One thing for certain

Rope from a curtain

I know what I would do

I'll give you romance

Led with a slow dance

If that's what it will take

I'll move the heavens

Six feet or seven

Depending on it's weight

We have a problem

With medication

Too many patients

Now about

One thing for sure is

Cancer will cure this

Of that I have no doubt

To think the past and all it has

Enabled us to do

We still can't change a light bulb without

Someone there to help us to

You'd think now wouldn't you

Concert and summit

Yet all we've done is to achieve

Enormous ratings for T.V. stations

And much to their relief

You are my whole world

If not my whole world

Then in what world are we

I have a good sense

Of what in one sense

Makes perfect sense to me

The years have flown by

There's no denying

And yet in flying

Look what we've made

It's time to notice

The smell of roses

Before on us are laid

I'M IN LOVE WITH LOVE (AGAIN)

In the way that the world was flat

Long before it was round

Much the same as when Adam met Eve

Apes could not be found

I'm seeing things now in a different light

Even though the bulbs the same

Unlock the doors

Ceiling greet the floors

I'm in love with love (again)

How'd it happen let's just say

Luck has played it's part

I was seated in row F

While she served ala carte

For years I've struggled to overcome

The bitterness and pain

And now at last that's all in the past

I'm in love with love (again)

And anyone who tells you

Second time around

Doesn't get much better

Is on solid ground

Let the bells ring out

Let there be no doubt

Cross my heart and hope to die

Hope to die delete

Spread the news my life's returned

And boy does it taste sweet

To call it some kind of miracle

Would I think be a claim

Kick out the jams

Raise your lager cans

I'm in love with love (again)

I'm starting to get the feeling back

In places I could name

Suffice to say let the music play

I'm in love with love (again)

You''l have to excuse me

If I appear to

Be a little over keen

Hardly surprising considering where

For the last few years I've been

Once the writing is on the wall

Not much you can do

I tried everything in my power

She tried someone new

But now quite suddenly

Words like bliss

Have entered my domain

you have to laugh running with a bath

I'm in love with love

Arrest that man for every wheel he'll clamp

I'm in love with love

I'm in love with love

I'm in love with love (again)

JUST SO YOU KNOW

What do you do if lightning strikes you strike

What do you do assuming you need advice

Call in the S.A.S. of course

There's not a more formidable force

In through the windows

Crashing through the blinds

Talk about people running round in the buff

Nudity now in films just ain't buff enough

What we need is to penetrate

Show it all in it's glorious state

Out of the blue on cue into the rough

To win in love

You must play your part

Don't act cool play it from the heart

She may act like she doesn't care

Don't be fooled it's a tactic they're good at

Just so you know

What do I do if someone walks up to me

Says "I want your watch

And that ring I can see"

Do I say "Can I have a receipt?"

Do I beg "No don't shoot me please!"

Think of the outcry maybe there might be

To win her love

You must play your part

Don't act cool when the teardrops start

She may look like she doesn't care

Don't be fooled it's a tactic that they're good at

Just so you know

Just so you know

Just so you know

What if a deer comes to your door

"Who is it dear it's a deer oh no!"

Tell it if it wants sugar where to go

To win in love

You must play your part

Don't act cool when the feelings start

She may tell you she doesn't care

When in truth she is more than willing to

Just so you know

Just so you know

I got a feeling deep inside my soul

X-ray reveals it's nothing more than a hole

Why is it curosity gets

Bad publicity in all respects

Cat killer being the one that hurts the most

Just so you know

Just so you know

Just so you know

Just so you know

Just so you know

Just so you know

Just so you know

LET'S NOT GO THERE

In my mind it's not a problem

I go walking down the street

Every girl that I run into

Say's it's me she longs to meet

The reality of course

Could not be further from the truth

And the truth

Let's not go there

You can talk about coincidence

As something so sublime

When it happens it just happens

To have happened at that time

Like the night you caught your best friend

With the girl you thought was yours

Thought was yours

Let's not go there

I feel I've got it in me

To achieve the right result

Why then with the grades to pass

Everyone but me looks to be in

A different class

If I have so self esteem

Perhaps it has something to do

With the fact that in my mirrors

All the glass has been removed

Not that I don't like myself I do

But mirrors never lie

Never lie

Let's not go there

I want to be in your shoes

Don't care about the size

Want to take the world to task

Yet everything I do just goes from good

To crass

Running round in circles

At the end of the day

First thing in the morning's nice

You can get from where you are

To where you need

Just like in a cage with mice

At work I've made good progress

Promotion beckons soon

Why then when a girl walks past

Every word I utter goes from good

To crass

In my heart it's open season

You can read it like a book

Turn to pages one to any one

See pictures that I took

There are some where it looks happy

Others where it's broke in two

Broke in two

Let's not go there

Had ample opportunities

Grabbed them with both feet

Why then does my empty glass

Make everyone but me look to be in

A different class

You're at the gates of Eden

Been queuing up for hours

Finally when you're let in

First you see a sign that says

Look but don't touch

Then another saying

Keep off the grass

LOVE YOU OUT OF TROUBLE

Love you out of trouble

Anytime you're in

Give you what you want me

Want me to begin

Love you like a baby

In it's mother's womb

Happy and contented

Doing what it's doing

Love you like a river

Never like a rock

Rocks are ten a penny

Rivers though are not

Talk about anything other than news

Talk about a rich list of people whose

Worth it seems is what we're so keen to know

As for the fund your pension was in

As it dissolves downa a corporate bin

Man in charge has entered the list at four

Love you out of trouble

Out of any kind

Doesn't matter to me

How it is defined

Rub you up the right way

Never up the wrong

Wrong would be the right way

Not to get along

Give or take a drama starting to unfold

Give or take a booking that remains on hold

Rising to the challange running up a dept

Only way to run and not run out of breath

Love you out of trouble

Any of any kind

Even move a mountain

If under it you're lying

Love you like a baby

In it's father's womb

More you think about it

More it could be soon

Talk about anything other than news

Talk about a rich list in papers whose

Grip on reality seems to have escaped

Do we need to know what a person's worth

Do we need figures that look absurd

Don't tell me what a role these models make

Love you out of trouble

Anytime you're in

Give you what you wanted

Ready I'll begin

Love you out of trouble

Anytime you're in

MY PLACE OR YOURS

Would you like a drink?

Nice here don't you think?

Much improved in recent years

What say we leave after liqueurs?

My place or yours?

Are you with a friend?

If you're not well then

Maybe I could see you home

We could take in some guided tours

My place or yours?

I'm not asking for anything or more

Then is being offered to me

I've been through a pact

Have a daughter that

I so rarely get to see

There are days at work

Where my eyes just hurt

Looking at computer screens

Let's go play doctors find some cures

My place or yours?

And that dress you've on

Makes you look like one

Of those catwalk figurines

What say we talk some haute couture

My place or yours?

I'm not asking for anything or more

Then I'm likely to receive

I make no attempt to be other than

What my head has up it's sleeve

If you want to I

Could make you a pie

I've some culinary skills

What say we try some plats du jours

My place or yours?

I'll take us on some mystery tours

My place or yours?

And if it's not love that I'm in need of

Does it matter you tell me

I've been through the mill

Fingers burning still

Yet I've managed to break free

You know what you're right

Heads a little light

Too much alcohol maybe

What say we leave before liqueurs

My place or yours?

ONE DOOR CLOSES

It's like one door closes and another one closes

It's like two and two make five

It's like one door closes and another one closes

Just as you arrive

It's like we all like you but then decide to

Go with someone else instead

Yes we all love you, put no-one above you

Then we go over your head

Maybe it was meant to be and it's for the best

Maybe but as you can see so hard to digest

It's like one big moment, your one big moment

When you go for broke

It's that one big moment, your one big moment

And it all goes up in smoke

Friends they all rally round and thank god they do

I don't know without my friends

How I would pull through

It's like one door closes and another one closes

With another closed nearby

It's like one door closes and another one closes

And all you can do is try

And it makes you want to

TAKING SIDES

I see it in your eyes when the light is on

Staring out into space

I see it in goodbyes

Just before I've gone

Hoping I'll be gone for days

You say that you weren't looking for someone to

Come and sweep you off your feet

But given that's exactly what you have done

What would you have me believe?

The irony of course is that for many years

All the many times you stressed

You'd never be unfaithful to me

Who now would have guessed

The children aren't aware yet but I suspect

Back from university

Both will I imagine be taking sides

One on yours the other me

Ironic when you think

That for many years

You thought I had had an affair

Yet here I stand cap in hand

Somewhat the worse for wear

I'm terrified of losing you that's for sure

Still I understand your plight

A vacuum exists when you're on your own

And it needs to be put right

I won't give up without a fight

TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF MY TOE

Ever seen a river

That was going away

Other than up or down stream

Ever seen a fella

Who was anxious to say

Something other than obscene

Like I'll love you more than you will ever know

If you'd be so kind as 

To take your foot off my toe

Talk about tomorrow

And you think of today

As something right out of the past

Talk about togetherness

And what do you say

Gee but it's great while it lasts

And I'll love you more than you will ever know

If you'd be so kind as 

To take your foot off my toe

What would you do if I told you

That money was no object only evil

In funny clothes

Getting back to what it is

You'd like me to say

Don't think I will if I am

Getting back to what it is

You'd like me to play

Don't think I will but I can

And I'll love you

More than you will ever know

If you'd be so kind as

To take your foot off my toe

What would you do if I told you

Next to Hari Krishna Harry is now

A pot of gold

Ever seen a river

That was going away

Other than up or down stream

Ever seen a fella

Who was anxious to say

Something other than obscene

Like I'll love you more than you will ever know

If you'd be so kind as

To take your foot off my

To be so kind as

To take your foot off my

To be so kind as

To take your foot off my toe

YOU CAN'T CON-CRETE

You can con the Pope

Out of his Pope mobile

Make him feel that to keep it was wrong

You can con every follower at your feet

But you can't con-crete

You can con your girlfriend into thinking tonight

Is the night you're the man of her dreams

You can con vegetarians to eat meat

But you can't con-crete

But you can't con-crete

No doubt some will say you can

Already they have a plan

Claiming it's as easy as

Getting blood out of a stone

You can con a person into buying a new car

That's been used now for over a year

You can con every con-man up your street

But you can't con-crete

But you can't con-crete

You can con the public into thinking their vote

Is the vote you're dependent upon

You can con every rich girl that you meet

But you can't con-crete

You can't con-crete

Two eyes and a pony tail

Some squirrel is on my trail

Four eyes with your glasses on

Makes your head become a pair

You can con the artiste into thinking he'll get

What is left when what's left is all gone

You can con every merchant

In the fleet

But you can't con-crete

You can con everybody

You'll ever meet

But you can't con-crete

No, no, no

You can't con-crete

No, no, no, no

You can't con-crete

All lyrics and music by Gilbert O'Sullivan