DOESN'T IT MAKE YOU SICK (MORTAR AND BRICK)

Heart beat, low heat, no heat at all

Question unanswered and I recall

Haves that have no qualms what arses they lick

Doesn't it make you sick

One day Tuesday three days or more

Looked for a job saw one framed in a store

Rushed into buy it but I was too quick

Doesn't it make you sick

At no time in my mind are wheelchairs inept

Governments tell you with charm

When faced with a stairway here's what they advise

Just walk with it under your arm

Who are, what are, where are the few

Always it's Arabs hated by Jews

Bombing your neighbour with mortar and brick

Doesn't it make you sick

At no time in my mind are wheelchairs inept

Governments tell you with charm

When faced with a stairway here's their advice

Just walk with it under your arm

No doubt sauerkraut is a racist remark

So to is Blackpool long after dark

Have nots deprived of their mortar and brick

Doesn't it make you sick

Doesn't it make you sick

Doesn't it make you sick

And I suppose

If I'm a atheist

It's God I'll thank

_{_________________________________________}

HEAVEN'S ABOVE

Twenty five years I've been on this earth

Not forgetting those months before my birth

Months during which if my mother had said

I don't want this baby then I'd be dead

Job I'm in is a steady one

I deliver up parcels weighing a ton

I could do better but I know I won't

Still with money in the bank and a car of my own

I'm off on the weekend

Looking for a new friend

Out to make love heavens above, oh lord

Don't bother me if the sun don't shine

It's urine falling remember not mine

Girlfriend's ran off with another guy

It could have been worse well it could have been a lie

I don't like anything to do with drugs

Sure they give you a kick but then so do thugs

I work as hard as I can each day

But when Friday arrives and I get my pay

I'm off on the weekend

Looking for a new friend

Out to make love heavens above, oh lord

I'm off on the weekend looking for a new friend

Dying to make love heavens above, oh lord, oh lord

Sometimes of an evening instead of sleeping

Sometimes of an evening entirely in keeping

I'll watch the paint dry all over Sharon Stone (stone me)

Now Monday mornings the only time in

The week when I wish that I could lie in

Then comes Thursday and what do you know

Only one more day and away I'll go

I'm off on the weekend

Looking for a new friend

Out to make love heavens above, oh lord

I'm off on the weekend

Looking for a new friend

Dying to make love heavens above, oh lord, oh lord

Heavens above

Heavens above

Keep on working that mojo

Drink your whisky a go go

I should say that

It's coco but

It hasn't the bite

Tell your papa

I don't care nothing wrong with your red hair

If he thinks that it's unfair then of

Course he'd be right, he'd be right

Heavens above

Heavens above

Heavens above

Heavens above

Heavens above

Heavens above

_{_________________________________________}

IN BED BY TEN

Love peace and understanding

Makes no difference in the end

What you need to survive

Mother nature will provide

As long as you're

In bed by ten

Everybody has that feeling

One that drives you round the bend

I don't know what else to say

I suspect it'll be okay

As long as you're

In bed by ten

It isn't easy if that's what you think

Going to bed as the night begins

 But then you take it, you take it from me

 Things have never ever been

Quite the way you think they seem

Oh forget about tomorrow

Yesterday still has to end

I can do all manner of things

Wear you out and wear you in

As long as you're

In bed by ten

As long as you're

In bed by ten

In my neck of my woods

There's no neck at all

There might be a shoulder

And as I can recall

A shoulder is something

We all need to lean upon

No denying, it's the truth

I'd do anything for you

As long as you're

In bed by ten

You ought to try it once

In a while

You might find that it makes you smile

The only thing is whenever you do don't get

Into counting sheep

That will only make you sleep

Oh lead me to your chamber

If you want me as a friend

Take a tip from one who knows

Lots you can do

Without any clothes

As long as you're

In bed by ten

As long as you're

In bed by ten

No denying

Its the truth

 I'll do anything for you

As long as you're 

In bed by ten

As long as you're

In bed by ten

As long as you're

In bed by ten

_{_________________________________________}

BREAK A LEG 2

Met me a girl the other week

Long blonde hair, lips you could eat

She thanked me for the drinks I bought

And said the train that she ought to have caught

Had probably left

I heard a voice inside me say

You lucky bugger

Break a leg

All my life I've tried to avert

Incidents where I could be hurt

At school they taught me right from wrong

No harm in being a weakling as long

As you use your head

Yet on the stage if you want to succeed

The thing to do is break a leg

Break a leg

Break a leg, leg, leg

Why not an arm

Why not a toe

Why only one when one as you know

Is not quite complete

To do that you need

One more, one more

Upon my word you take it from me

On my winter hols I love to ski

But rather than go down too fast

And end up with my face alas

Covered in egg

I do as my instructor says

Get on that piste and break a leg

Why not an arm

Why not a chin

What's so clever about breaking your leg so to speak

How would your feet then grow

I went to a do the other night

Could hardly drink 'cause I had to drive

And just as I was about to leave

A chap got up and spoke to me

Here's what he said

I hear you're leaving that's a shame

It's good to see you glad you came

Before you go from all of us here

A safe journey home now

Now break a leg

Break a leg

Break a leg, leg, leg

_{_________________________________________}

PLEASE DON'T LET MY WEAKNESS SHOW

I don't know what else to say

I'd thought we were doing okay

Shows you how little I know

And tomorrow when at work

Someone calls out does it hurt

Oh lord

Please don't let my weakness show

Is I wonder her excuse

Given there was no abuse

That she just had to go

Do I beg her to come back

If I have to act like that

Oh lord

Please don't let my weakness show

You said yourself when things go wrong

Faith is all you need

I put what faith I had in her

And got deceived

If I have to face the truth

If that's what I have to do

Oh lord

Please don't let my weakness show

You said yourself when you were lost

God will rescue me

But surely as his only son

Why wouldn't he

I'm no angel must confess

But I loved her none the less

More than she will ever know

Is it my fault that she's gone

If I have to carry on

Oh lord

Please don't let my weakness show

Oh lord

Please don't let my weakness show

Oh lord

Please don't let my weakness show

_{_________________________________________}

YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT

You'd think that nothing could erase

Like rubber bullets well you're right

I've got a lead one in my hand

It won't erase a word I write

You are the keeper of the flame

You are the flame the keeper keeps

You are the kingdom of a god

Whose statue on occasion weeps

I hate when sitting down to eat

Waiters who serve you with a writ

You better believe it

What say you I go out the door

What say you I come in again

What say you write to me in braille

What say you use a ball point pen

Proof of the pudding is I'm told

Not in the eating but the place

Place being where it is put before

Before you get it in your face

I'll do whatever I don't want

I'll smoke as long as I see fit

You better believe it

I read a book about a man

A protestant no less

Dreamt he woke up a catholic

Scared himself to death

Give me one reason to support

One reason to support one thing

Give me your rolex or your life

Or else the trainers you are in

I think I am so I must be I am

I think a walking gag

I hate potatoes with my chips

Unless of course there in a bag

I'd love you even if at times

At times I wish I never did

You better believe it

You better believe it

You better believe it

_{_________________________________________}

SEX APPEAL

And I don't know why some have more

I only know they always will

Tracksuit top coming off

As the sweat is pouring from you still

Sex appeal, it's a lover's embrace

Sex appeal, it's the thrill of the chase

Sex appeal, something you have places

That looks so inviting

Sex appeal, in the heat of the sun

Sex appeal, with a bathing suit on

Sex appeal, pouring oil down your front

And then rubbing it all over

And there are no rules

Even those who's

Looks may not be all that great

Can in fact be looked at

Even in the most desirable way

Sex appeal, it's a natural thing

Sex appeal, getting soaked to the skin

Sex appeal, lying down by the fire

In a blanket your holding

Sex appeal, it's the parting of lips

Sex appeal, it's getting to grips

Sex appeal, like the way that she slips

And just carries on talking

I'm not saying that everyone has to be young and fancy free

In a cage, middle aged

You can turn those heads so easily

Sex appeal, it's a lover's embrace

Sex appeal, it's the egg on your face

Sex appeal, something you have in places

That looks so inviting

Oh it looks so exciting

Sex appeal, it's an animal right

Sex appeal, it's the meaning of life

Sex appeal, contributions denied

If you think it's for the money

Sex appeal, it's your hair in a mess

Sex appeal, in a thick woolly vest

Sex appeal, and the feeling I guess

Of what might just be underneath

Of what might just be underneath

_{_________________________________________}

NOT SO GREAT BRITAIN

Take one policeman whose job is tough

Investigating a cover up

Looks to his colleagues for support

Gets accused of nothing has to leave the force

Not so Great Britain

Not so Great Britain

Not so great

And who knows why

We pride ourselves on our sporting name

Soccer after all is our national game

Yet in Europe our teams are banned

It's not the players they don't like

It's the fans

Not so Great Britain

Not so Great Britain

Not so great

And who knows why

It's the land of hope and glory

Where every school is preparatory

No wonder on election night

Tories always win outright

I was taught at school it's wrong to tell lies

That golden rule it seems no longer applies

Next time your teacher says you lied here's proof

Just say you're being economical with the truth

Not so Great Britain

Not So Great Britain

Not so great

And who knows why

In the kingdom of Jackanory

Where every picture it sells a story

Woe is me what have we done

Goodbye Hong Kong it's been fun

I know how I feel when a child is sick

You want to treat it and treat it quick

But what's going to happen when the doctor says

We'd love to treat you but we have no beds

Not so Great Britain

Not So Great Britain

Not so great

Not so Great Britain

Not So Great Britain

Not so great

And who knows why

And who knows why

And who knows why

And who knows why

And who knows why

And who knows why

And who knows why

So great in so many ways

But not in others

Who knows why

Who knows why

So great in so many ways

But not in others

Who knows why

Who knows why

So cool nobody's fool

Like any other

Who knows why

Who knows why

_{_________________________________________}

THE LUCK OF THE IRISH

One and one and two are three

If you adhere to Irish logic

That's just one of many jokes of which

The Irish are the topic

You can talk about the luck of but in

Truth there's not a lot

So we have this reputation of being

As thick two short planks

And although George Bernard Shaw was Irish

He's an Englishman

No we don't all live in houses that are otherwise known as bars

Yes we do have other transport besides donkeys and carts

Go to Dublin day or night

And see for yourself there's not a bog in sight

In America the joke about the Irishman would die

There for some peculiar reason it's the Polish they decry

Bet in Sweden it's Norwegians and in Norway it's the Danes

And it's a fallacy to think that Irish people drink the most

When in Germany alone their beer consumption's unapproached

As for Britain far from being sober they enjoy their drink

But to call an Englishman a drunk would be an awful thing

What you need to do for that is a chap named Pat and the luck of the Irish

Kiss the blarney stone but get down on your back to do it

Okay on the surface I admit it does seem rather stupid

But you mustn't judge a book by all accounts

But by what's underneath it's

Cover up your daughters what they don't see they won't miss

Remember contraception is despair but ignorance is bliss

The church will tell you what you should and

What you shouldn't do is argue with it

Shergar's body been exhumed by Irish terrorists today

And if the ransom isn't paid out then his life may not be saved

No we don't all live in houses that are otherwise known as bars

Yes we do have other transport besides donkeys and carts

Go to Dublin day or night

And see for yourself there's not a bog in

For yourself there's not a bog in sight

Kiss the blarney stone but get down on your back to do it

Okay on the surface I admit it does seem rather stupid

But you mustn't judge a book by all accounts

But by what's underneath it's

Cover up your daughters what they don't see they won't miss

Remember contraception is despair but ignorance is bliss

The church will tell you what you should and

What you shouldn't do is argue with it

Argue with it

Yes we do have other transport besides donkeys and carts

Go to Dublin day or night

The luck of the Irish

Kiss the blarney stone but get down on your back to do it

Okay on the surface I admit it does seem rather stupid

But you mustn't judge a book by all accounts

But by what's underneath it's

Cover up your daughters what they don't see they won't miss

Remember contraception is despair but ignorance is bliss

The church will tell you what you should and

What you shouldn't do is argue with it

Kiss the blarney stone but get down on your back to do it

Okay on the surface I admit it does seem rather stupid

But you mustn't judge a book by all accounts

But by what's underneath it's

Cover up your daughters what they don't see they won't miss

Remember contraception is despair but ignorance is bliss

The church will tell you what you should and

What you shouldn't do is argue with it

_{_________________________________________}

I DON'T CARE

You tell me you love and then you don't love me

Well I don't care

You say that you need me and you deceive me

Well I don't care, maybe you're everything

I'll ever need

Maybe I'll hate myself after you leave

But now I swear

I don't care

I don't care

You say that you want to and then you don't want to

Well I don't care

You think that it's heaven but only till seven

Well I don't care

After a year in which I would have leapt

Off a mountain to save you from death

Now I swear

I don't care

I don't care

You're putting it about that you got me sussed

You can do what ever you want to plus

I would never leave you and that's the truth

But only if the never in it's removed

I don't care

Yeah, yeah

You tell me its over until it ain't over

Well I don't care

You stay on the phone make it into your home

Well I don't care

Yesterday you were the key to my life

Yesterday if you had gone

I'd have died

But now I swear

I don't care

I don't care

Even if you treated me with contempt

I would as a patient get back my strength

Even if you wanted to tie the knot

I would say the navy's your best shot

You tell me you love me and then you don't love me

Well I don't care

You're putting me down when I' m out on the town

Well I don't care

Go to your shrink let him help you decide

Don't look at me with that look in your eye

'Cause now I swear

Now I declare

Now beware

I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

I don't,  I don't care

I don't,  I don't care

_{_________________________________________}

I'M ABOUT

I don't believe you'd let me down

I don't believe you'd go

But lately you've avoided me

If something's wrong you know

The least you should do

Is tell me what you

Think's wrong and we'll work it out

If you don't

I'm about

To be faced with a problem only you

Know how to explain

Although I've tried a hundred times

Even looked inside my brain

Yet all I could see

Was that you and me

Were getting along just fine

Think I'm about to be binded and thrown

Into a room wallpapered with gloom

And furnished with memories

I no longer believe in 'cause someone's deceiving me

I won't say who

I don't have to

Yet all I could see

Was that you and me

Were getting along just fine

Think I'm about to be binded and thrown

Into a room wallpapered with gloom

And furnished with memories

I no longer believe in 'cause someone's deceiving me

I won't say who

I don't believe you'd let me down

I don't believe you'd go

But lately you've avoided me

If something's wrong

You know

The least you should do

Is tell me what you

Think's wrong and we'll work it out

If you don't

I'm about

If you don't

I'm about

If you don't

I'm about

I'm about

(I'm about)

I'm about

_{_________________________________________}

I'LL BE THE LONELY ONE

God speed on your journey overseas

Into the path of the sun

And while you're away spare a thought for me

'Cause I'll be the lonely one

You say that my leaving doesn't mean

We've been together too long

What it does mean however is till

You're here

 I'll be the lonely one

Come away with me won't you

I can hear

A voice in the distance yell

And when I look up to see if it

Could be you I see that it's only myself

Some say that it's easy to forget

The further it is that you run

What I'd like to say is when you're not here

I'll be the lonely one

I'll be the lonely one

And I won't try and reach you there's no point

You never return my call

If I do leave a message I guarantee

It won't be acknowledged at all

God speed on your journey overseas

Into the path of the sun

And while you're away

Spare a thought for me

'Cause I'll be the lonely one

Yes, I'll be the lonely one

Yes, I'll be the lonely one

I'll be the lonely one

_{_________________________________________}

BREAK A LEG 1

Met me a girl the other week

Long blonde hair, lips you could eat

She thanked me for the drinks I bought

And said the train that she ought to have caught

Had probably left

I heard a voice inside me say

You lucky bugger

Break a leg

All my life I've tried to avert

Incidents where I could be hurt

At school they taught me right from wrong

No harm in being a weakling as long

As you use your head

Yet on the stage if you want to succeed

The thing to do is break a leg

Break a leg

Break a leg, leg, leg

Why not an arm

Why not a toe

Why only one when one as you know

Is not quite complete

To do that you need

One more, one more

Upon my word you take it from me

On my winter hols I love to ski

But rather than go down too fast

And end up with my face alas

Covered in egg

I do as my instructor says

Get on that piste and break a leg

Why not an arm

Why not a chin

What's so clever about breaking your leg so to speak

How would your feet then grow

I went to a do the other night

Could hardly drink 'cause I had to drive

And just as I was about to leave

A chap got up and spoke to me

Here's what he said

I hear you're leaving that's a shame

It's good to see you glad you came

Before you go from all of us here

A safe journey home now

Now break a leg

Break a leg

Break a leg, leg, leg

_{_________________________________________}

SAY IRELAND

When words fail you don't say why

Say Ireland

Say Ireland

And I'll tell you why

When bombs dismay you don't just cry

Cry Ireland

Cry Ireland

Cry Ireland

Cry Ireland and I'll tell you why

[How much time have you got?]

Where are my Irish roots?

Where did I get those boots?

Why do I not like suits and ties?

And why so shy in front of people

It's on top of a steeple

That I belong far from the maddening crowd

As far away as I am allowed

Far from the maddening crowd

As far as I am allowed

Far from the maddening crowd

And the crack was in the ceiling

As far as I am allowed

Say Ireland

Say, (Ireland)

Say, (Ireland) 

Say, (Ireland) 

When words fail you don't say why

Say Ireland, (Ireland)

Say Ireland

_{_________________________________________}

CON-LAB-LIB

Well I've been trying to make a living

Working eight hours a day

But despite the overtime

What I take home is a disgrace

Still old con-lab-lib still

Keeps coming round

Looking for support

I've got a car that doesn't go

A baby that won't stop crying

And a wife that works so hard

She can't afford a lie in

Still old con-lab-lib keeps coming round

Look for support

Who the hell does he think he is

Telling us the way that we should live

While he's out dining

A La Carte

We're back to war like

Back to war like rationing parts

He says he doesn't really care if we are

For or against him

'Cause he knows in the long run

We are bound to elect him

Still old con-lab-lib keeps coming round

Looking for support

I've never seen anybody that could lie with such ease

I call it second nature

He calls it his policies

And as for his movements

As you would expect

He's extremely moderate right where he is left

Who the hell does he think he is

Telling us the way that we should live

While he's out dining

A La Carte

We're back to war like

Back to war like rationing parts

Well I've been trying to make a living working eight hours a day

But despite the overtime what I take home is a disgrace

Still old con-lab-lib

Keeps coming round

Looking for support

Still old con-lab-lib

Keeps coming round

Looking for support

Con-lab-lib looking for support

Con-lab-lib looking for support

Con-lab-lib looking for support

_{_________________________________________}

AN END

Consider me tell

Said the old mister dwell

I'm accustomed to be

But I'm not really well

I'm leaving duration

Oh!

_{_________________________________________}

All lyrics and music by Gilbert O'Sullivan